Monday's Meltdown and Wednesday's Wobbly

Everyone now and then when stupid little things get to much for me I have the occasional meltdown or wobbly. This week has been a bit of a ripper in that department.

Monday night after Jochen got home from work he had to deal with a pregnant wife having a meltdown. So what was I so upset about? Well it was simple really and can be summed up in one word. FOOD!!!!!! I was hungry, starving in fact. But I couldn't think of anything that I felt like. I was also suffering from heartburn and thought that more food would make it feel worse. Add in the extreme nausea and tiredness that I was feeling and you have a meltdown waiting to happen. Yes crying was involved as was feeling sorry for myself that food was such a problem for me. I just wanted to enjoy and want food again and not be so picky. Anyway Jochen found me crying in our room, looking miserable. Being the wonderful husband that he is he gave me a cuddle, let me cry some more, got me to laugh at myself and finally got me to go with him to the kitchen where I ate more of what I had been eating all day - some of mum's lovely nutloaf, a piece of toast with tomato on it and a drink of milo. Okay so it wasn't the most nutritional dinner that could have been eaten but at least I ate something. End of meltdown - for the moment.

Tuesday came and went.... everything was fine.... then Wednesday struck. Not food this time but my BIRTHPLAN. I'd been working really hard on it and had not had any interest or input from Jochen (or that is what it had felt like anyway.) I thought I'd covered most of the main points and asked Jochen to look at it to see if he agreed with what I had written. I felt like all I got from him was criticism which really hurt when I had put so much thought and effort into it. Needless to say the highlights of the Wobbly were screwing up the plan and putting it in the bin and locking Jochen out of our bedroom when he wanted to talk about it. Okay so I knew he could get in with the little latch on the outside of the door, so children can't lock themselves in accidentally - but it was symbolic. I've never done that before but I just needed some time to myself as I had I worked myself up into quite a state that I knew wasn't quite rational. Jochen gave me a little time to myself before he came in, gave me a hug, let me cry some more, and then together we sorted it all out. He wasn't criticising what I had done or disagreeing with what I wanted for us, he just thought the tone that the plan had been written in, which I had got the basis of from the internet, was very condescending to the midwives who may be helping us, which was something I definitely did not want. After re-reading it I had to agree and although the guts of it has remained the same I've now re-written it in my own words and we are both happier. What a silly thing to have a wobbly over but I suspect it may have been related to still being quite scared about the actual birth which is getting closer day by day and trying to control with a birthplan, the uncontrollable.

Thank goodness we have had Friday without any freakouts. Think I was having a bad couple of days and I'm glad that my hormonal madness seems to have subsided. Thank goodness Jochen is such a wonderful and understanding husband, he has really copped a raw deal lately.